what to do when a friend depends on you more than god
There are times in our lives when we find ourselves in friendships that experience 1-sided, where it seems that we are giving more than we are receiving in the relationship. While all of us at Darling believe in giving selflessly of our time, emotions and advice, there may come a point when we need to establish salubrious boundaries with a friend who appears to be emotionally dependent on us, using the bail we share as a ways of validating her identity and self-worth.
Then how practice we handle a situation like this with love, clarity and grace? Read on to hear our thoughts and chime in with your own advice in the comments section.
Be Patient
Before jumping to whatever conclusions about a state of affairs or flavour your friend might be in, take the time to identify signs that may indicate that a friend is depending on you too much. Does she desire to spend big chunks of fourth dimension together every solar day? Does she express frustration or jealousy when yous have other plans with different friends? Does she seem emotional when you aren't able to discuss a problem or an result with her?
While these answers lone don't necessarily hateful that your friend is counting on you more than she should, they are indicative that something hard may be going on her life. Mayhap she's struggling at piece of work or in her relationship; perhaps she's having a family dispute or trouble with a roommate. Information technology's possible that your friend isn't able to communicate clearly and instead of existence forthcoming with her problems, she may adopt to piece of work things out on her own. This mindset can accept the unintended effect of social dependency; your friend volition pack her schedule to the brim and cling on to loved ones in an endeavour to distract herself from the issues she's facing.
Resist the temptation to confront your loved ane immediately; sometimes these things have a mode of working themselves out without our intervention. Practise patience and continue being at that place for your friend while setting up healthy boundaries to protect yourself. (More on that in a infinitesimal.)
Exist Direct
If yous feel that your friend is indeed depending on you too much and she isn't making strides towards resolving her personal bug on her own, it might exist time to have a direct chat well-nigh the situation. Approach your loved one in a time and place that is comfortable for her; don't create an environment that feels aggressive or hostile. Speak gently and kindly, but straight. Make your point clear and concise, and don't expound upon examples of her clinginess.
The lesser line is that your friend is probable struggling with something and this difficult season of her life is resulting in an unhealthy dependence on you, perhaps as a mode to affirm her identity and validate her self-worth. Don't trounce effectually the proverbial bush in an try to accost the outcome indirectly. Simply treat your friend with love and confront her with kindness to determine if your frank conversation can event in healing, giving your friend the power and confidence to move forward — on her own.
Set Upwards Healthy Boundaries
While being supportive of your friend in need, make sure to set healthy boundaries to protect your fourth dimension — and your centre. It can exist emotionally draining to give — and give and give — of yourself to someone who needs to lean on you lot and you can find yourself resenting your loved 1 if you lot don't cleave out fourth dimension for you. Strive to protect your alone time by putting your phone on the Practise Not Disturb mode after a certain 60 minutes or make it known that y'all schedule solo appointments, exercise classes or therapeutic activities to help go on yourself energized and rejuvenated.
Prioritizing lonely time does non make you a bad friend; in fact, it probable makes you lot a better friend in the long run, every bit yous end up feeling refreshed and gear up to help friends tackle problems or obstacles as they arise.
Prioritizing solitary time does not brand yous a bad friend; in fact, it probable makes you a amend friend in the long run …
Know When to Seek Professional Assistance
If you detect that your friend'south clinginess causes her to act out emotionally or fifty-fifty violently, you may need to seek assistance from a professional person. If you no longer feel safe with your friend or if yous remember she is a danger to herself, place professional means of back up and consider staging an intervention with friends, family unit members and counselors. Your friend's rubber and mental health are more important than the repercussions you might face from initiating an intervention.
Have you been in a similar situation with a friend? How did you handle it?
Prototype via Jason Barbagelott for Darling Result No. xiii
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Source: https://blog.darlingmagazine.org/handle-friend-wants-too-much-of-you/
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